Making Connections: An EFT Cross-cultural Encounter

I am often asked, “How does EFT do in multicultural settings?" The arguments for affect and its universal role in human relationships is accepted, but more than a few question whether one can use such direct strategies to evoke and restructure emotion in cultures that value less-direct forms of emotional expression. In 2004 I was giving a EFT training in Nanjing China when I encountered the complexity of this question first-hand.

“This would not work with a Chinese husband,” shared an older counselor in the group as we were discussing a role play of EFT. “When sharing his emotional needs with his wife, the husband would lose face. This would not happen.” His sobering comments, however, stood in contrast to the enthusiasm another participant expressed regarding the demonstration. Mother and daughter came together to the workshop. Mother commented on the importance of her emotional connection to her daughter and, she expressed appreciation for the way EFT works to strengthen emotional connections, and the expression of each person’s underlying emotional needs and wants. While I naively hoped for some definitive answers to my questions about the intercultural use of EFT, I left with a stronger conviction for critical role emotions have in culture. I also was more convinced that EFT, as an affective/attachment-focused approach, had promise with couples from more collectivist cultures.

This spring (2007), I returned to Beijing for two one-day seminars at the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences, IPCAS and China Youth University. IPCAS is well known as China’s leading center for research in Psychology. China Youth University is recognized for its service to youth and families through its training program in family therapy and it national youth hotline. In each presentation I included a simulated couple session with participants enacting what they described as a typical conflict in a Chinese marriage. One couple role played a client couple who sought therapy after the disclosure of the husband’s affair. The sessions were translated in Mandarin and English, as in both cases the couples did not speak English. Discussions followed each presentation. Once again, I was both challenged and encouraged by what I learned.

Here are a few examples:

• A “Long” is not a “Dragon” - I thought I would borrow Sue’s story of the Celtic legend of men facing the dragon, so effectively used to illustrate the connection of fear and attachment. My audience honored my attempt to convey the tension in the story in dramatic fashion, but somehow the story did not have the impact I anticipated. Later my interpreter suggested that I use a different story, as “Long” (commonly translated “dragon”) in Chinese mythology are a sign of good fortune. Another Chinese colleague helped me to see that even the translation of the Chinese “Long” to the English word dragon is difficult, especially given the universally negative sentiment westerners associate with the concept of a dragon. Another reminder of the ways in which stories and images all take place in their own cultural location and their use can either be an opportunity for or an obstacle to understanding.
   
• Emotional Processing – In the role play in which the couple was struggling after the disclosure of a husband’s affair, both participants really engaged in their roles. I could not understand their words, but the way they spoke to each other made the emotional process readily apparent. Each person’s intensity and pace of expression varied in response to their partner - repeatedly. I used several evocative responses as prompts for their experience as I followed their eye movements in particular. She was tearful, and he often looked away. The emotional tone and quality was familiar, but its expression was more subtle. It hit me: They are dancing!
   
• Metaphors - The most poignant moment of the session occurred when the husband described a cherished family heirloom. It was a mirror that had been stored away and recently found damaged. He described their relationship as this mirror, and that he was trying to piece it back together. She responded with anger to this image and in processing her secondary response touched the sadness she felt. Then in tears she spoke about how she saw him trying, but found his efforts in vain because some of the pieces were missing. She paused, gathering her emotions. The silence was powerful. The missing pieces were a picture of her growing ambivalence about the relationship. He was working hard to make things better, but she feared that there was not enough trust left in the relationship to salvage what was once so beautiful. The two therapists enacting the couple felt the immediate power of the metaphor. She was surprised how emotional she felt as she tried to connect to her clients’ experience and the vivid metaphor of the “missing pieces” of their relationship.
   
• Indirect Expression - The therapist’s alliance with each client and the way in which this creates a secure base for relating is one of the most powerful aspects of EFT. I am repeatedly impressed by the ways in which one partner’s exposure to their partner’s primary affect being shared with the therapist facilitates a more engaged or less anxious response from the listening partner. The impact of the primary emotion in this model is first felt indirectly. And yet, “indirectly” doesn’t capture the power of this experience. In a sense, it is being experienced very directly indeed. In conversations with my Chinese colleagues, I was struck by the way that EFT structures emotional processing with partners especially in Steps 5 and 6, (elucidate?) and how that parallels in modest ways a more indirect form of expression. In both simulated sessions, partners expressed confidence in telling me about their emotional experience, but expressed reservation about whether a direct expression of emotional vulnerability to their partner would be tolerable especially for couple holding more traditional values. It appears, at least from my limited experience and discussion, that there is significant benefit in using EFT to help couples process and share their attachment needs through the therapist. The EFT model provides access to emotional vulnerability in an in-direct manner which may in itself resonate with certain cultural values.
   
• Attachment - Several participants expressed appreciation for EFT’s both implicit and explicit relational framework. For some of these participants, my presentation and demonstration followed a recent intensive training in the experiential approach of Virginia Satir. EFT’s emphasis on restructuring relationship patterns through emotional experience gave a deeper purpose for accessing emotional experience. This stood in contrast to the strong, almost exclusive self / individualistic focus of the previous humanistic model they had experienced.

I am indeed grateful for these opportunities to explore a richer understanding of EFT and its contribution to couples in China. I appreciate the invitation and support of Dr. Buxin Han, Ph.D. and Dr.Yuchuan Yang, Ph.D. who served as marvelous hosts and thoughtful cultural conversation partners. I share this as one exploration and intercultural engagement of EFT. My hope is that this will further an understanding of the benefits and accommodations needed to enhance therapists’ abilities in their home cultures to help couples connect.